I was quite shock, reading about Dolores Huerta breaking her silence regarding the sexual abuses she endured. I didn't know who she was or even who was César Chávez, the perpetrator, before coming across this news. That provoked many questions in my mind.
Why did it take her 60 years to confess? How could she live with this secret for that long? She didn't even reveal the secret right away after Chavez died in 1993.
Dolores said something that triggered me personally. She said that "she didn't feel she could say no". In addition, she cared more about the labor movement.
How many times I didn't say NO because I didn't know I had the right to say NO? That made me reflect on my life and the lives of other women around me.
Events that I thought were either dead or buried in the back of my mind came to life. As if they happened just yesterday. As if I didn't try my best to keep them silent. Incident after another came back to me as if my life was playing on a projection screen.
How much do we endure and keep silent to protect someone else or a cause? How many women didn't speak up just because they didn't understand that wasn't how things should be done?
How many times are we manipulated in relationships, especially intimate ones?
We tell ourselves; "we deserve it". "It's my fault". "Maybe he did it because I gave him the wrong sign".
What makes it worse that we don't find the right support from those around us, especially women. Some women in our circle would blame us, would make it our mistake.
On the other hand, how many men fight for the rights of other groups while secretly, they abuse others? How many men act like heroes publicly while they are asshole underneath?
And you woman, what do you think of that? Break your silence and tell us your story!
Headline image by tinymountain on Unsplash
When I was a child, I often overheard grown-ups (usually women) calling young girls "fast," now an old-fashioned term used to shame girls for perceived adult behavior, such as dressing or acting too maturely. Girls were usually blamed when they were molested. I knew then that if I were ever molested, I would not speak up for fear of being blamed for having enticed someone. Your story reminds me of an incident that happened when I was 10 years old and was awakened from a deep sleep to find a family friend straddling and kissing me. I fought hard to get him to stop so that he wouldn't also do the same thing to my younger sister, who was sharing a bed with me. I never told my parents about this, even when I was an adult, because I was afraid they’d say the assault was my fault. I'm 79 now and can still feel his disgusting, cold lips, smell the alcohol on his breath, and feel the weight of his body pinning me down. I’ve told my daughter about this incident as a lesson to show her how women are sometimes disbelieved or blamed. I hope she hasn’t kept secrets from me, even when she knows I would not blame her for someone else’s behavior.
Hey @SEQ77,
I'm so sorry you had been through such a horrible experience! I totally agree with what you said about not speaking up out of fear being bamed. Thanks so much for sharing your personal perspectives and expriences with us!
As women we endure so much. Speaking out loud helps us to understand each other, gain knowledge, and grow and support each other.
@SEQ77 You're so brave. Your action saved your younger sister and your words protected your daughter.
@Double-Zee In Japan, Ryuichi Hirokawa's case is similar to César Chávez's. Mitsu Tanaka, one of the most influential feminists in Japan, had an experience being subjected to child sexual abuse.
@Spaceprincess I totally agree.
I couldn't agree more, @Spaceprincess!
Thanks for sharing these cases with us, @Akiko! It's mindblowing, and sacry, how some men abuse, no matter how different their cultures and backgrounds!
@SEQ77 I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. Things like this leave scars that last a lifetime.
As a man, I try to observe, listen, and understand. Most men don't even bother.
I'm in my mid-twenties. If I ever decide to have kids, I'd prefer to have boys. If I had girls, I'd worry about them as soon as they were out of my sight. I know that I'd be overprotective, which would actually be counterproductive. The only thing that could put my mind at ease would be to get them into martial arts. So I'd know they'd be able to defend themselves.
I genuinely believe that self-defense lessons should be mandatory for girls; or at least there should be public initiatives.
A few days ago, I saw a headline that caught my attention: a mother secretly recorded her 12-year-old daughter and her five- and eight-year-old nephews. She then shared the pictures with her lover. It was the daughter who found the pictures. She found them on her mother's pc. I can't even fathom how she felt when she realized her own mother was a pedophile. It must've turned her whole world upside down. Fortunately, she found the courage to tell her father—the parents are divorced. It also seems that the mother abused the nephews. Of course, her mother's lover is a pedophile too. Authorities found a massive collection of pedophile photos on his computer.
As Seq77's experience taught us, you never really know someone.
You can read the whole story here: https://www.tgcom24.mediaset.it/cronaca/pedopornografia-immagini-figlia-donna-arresti_110010052-202602k.shtml
Anyway, concerning sexual assalts, Gisèle Pelicot's case has got to be the case of the century. Have your ever heard of her? Here's a Wikipedia page about her: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gis%C3%A8le_Pelicot
@SEQ77 I agree with Simo. As I read what happened to you, I had tears in my eyes, and my first thought was Thank God I don't have daughters because if something like this happened to my child, I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. And that's not to dismiss the fact that these horrific things happen to boys too. I think in the near future, we're going to learn just how horrifyingly rampant this is in the world and who the perpetrators are.
@CocoPop It seems as if I'm reading more about child sexual abuse lately. I'm unsure whether pedophilia is happening more often than before or is being reported more. In either case, what's happening is despicable. You and @Simone- express that you don't know what you would do if you had daughters, but boys are also abused, as you say, Uly, but I believe they are reluctant to report abuse for fear of having their sexuality questioned. I hope it becomes easier to identify the organizers of child sex trafficking networks and the perpetrators who sexually abuse the children trapped in them. Judging from what I see in the Epstein case, this is probably difficult.