This morning I changed my mind. I'm not hibernating this winter. It's not worth wasting time sleeping when there's so much I could be doing instead, like getting fit, going to the mall, or eating termites. Doing nothing is also one of my favorite activities—if you can call it an “activity.” Anyway, when there's nothing to do in the cave, it's easy to fall asleep. So this morning I said to myself: “Let's go shopping, lady! It's sales season, and who knows? Maybe you'll find something nice and cheap.” I'm really good at snuffling through piles of clothes. Once, I found a cockroach that cost $1.99. I usually avoid eating junk food, but I ended up eating it. I'm starving all the time, so after indulging in it, I walked away without paying. It was stale.