I woke up at 4:00 in the morning. I kept tossing and turning with no success to get back to sleep. At 6:00, I got up from the bed, watered the plants, took the puppy for a walk. By nine, I got a call from my sister. She told me that my aunt, Nagat, had passed away. I haven't seen her for over four years. The last time was during the wedding party of her eldest daughter in Aswan. This is the second aunt in my maternal family who passed on in the last decade.

This aunt is two years older than my mother while the other late one was two years younger!

I can't kick this idea out of my mind that my mother's turn might be next!

My grandmother is still alive! She has five daughters and three sons. She moved from her small village in Luxor to Aswan after getting married at 12.

She lost her husband more than 35 years ago. She said goodbye to two of her daughters! One daughter, my mother, contracted Alzheimer's. One son was in jail for more than five years and now he's facing stigma and unemployment.

I don't know how she's feeling and dealing with all these losses.

A cousin once described our grandmother as a woman with a heart of stone. Knowing all my grandmother has been through, I wouldn't blame her for being harsh. Maybe this was her way not to collapse and to get over all the tragedies she has had in her life.

I called my cousin to send her my condolences. All I could tell her was: "Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon", “Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we will all return.” Muslims recite this phrase when they hear news of death.

My sister asked me whether I would travel to Aswan with her to attend the funeral. I told her I was working and I couldn't leave Safaga these days. I think even if I were free, I wouldn't go. The only funeral I attended in my whole life was my father's. That funeral was a difficult event for me. I feel too vulnerable to ward off the consequences of attending one more funeral nowadays.

I will probably visit my cousin later when it is quiet and not many relatives are there.