What song are you singing?

One of Ed Sheeran.

You've put your shirt on backwards.

What do you mean by backwards? Shouldn't the label go in the front?

No, the label goes in the back...

Well, you've put your pants on inside out.

No way! Nowadays, pockets are worn on the outside.

Yeah right, and socks are worn on the hands...

You've folded your socks wrong. The seam should be on the inside.

I like them that way. They serve as a brake when I'm going downhill.

You're not right in the head... You never walk uphill or downhill, you just lie down, roll over, and snore.

I don't snore, I purr. Well, you roll like a ball on the carpet when you fall out of bed!

Are you saying I'm big-headed?

"No, I'm just saying you'd need a ship's rope to get around/ surround your head.

Got an itchy head?

No. Roll up the hose and shut up. And roll up your sleeves too, or you'll catch a cold.

You mean roll them down.

Whatever, and then lower the awning, it's very sunny.

I like it that way. You go in the shade and do a cartwheel.

Well, you cross your arms and intertwine your fingers.

That's impossible, like kissing your elbow. But I can fold my tongue into a U-shape.

Big deal, I can turn my eyelids inside out and touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.

I surpass that. I can cross my eyes and wiggle my ears.

No wonder. They're so big that one day you'll fly away.

Well, to get you out of the house, I'd have to corkscrew you.

Lock the door when you leave. I don't want the chickens sneaking in.

Which chickens, the ones with the stripes or the ones with the checks?

Either one.They peck anything and get the floor dirty.

Alright, but first I'm going to crack my knuckles and have the dog give me a piggyback ride.

Okay, but do it in a zigzag.