Sometimes Love Means Letting Go (Audio🎧)
Today is one year since I had to put my dog, Coco, to sleep. She had cancer. Cancer is a sneaky, miserable, merciless bitch. Throughout her entire life, I fed Coco good, organic — and for a couple of years, raw — food, and in my hubris, assured myself that she would never die of cancer like other dogs. Well, she ended up with liver cancer anyway. She was half beagle, which means that she would eat herself to bursting if you let her... in other words, she never missed a meal in all her 11 years. But in the last two weeks of her life, she only ate every other day, as much as she could stomach, and seemingly only enough to keep her alive another day. That was heartwrenching enough, but worse yet was the trembling. She would tremble every waking hour, as if she was cold. I think another reason for the trembling was a fear of somehow letting me down; if I glanced at her or asked her what was wrong, she would tremble all the more. I was absolutely inconsolable. She had been such a big part of my life and I was beside myself.
She always slept at my feet, and in the morning, I'd be up before the alarm went off and I'd watch her sleep, still and at peace. I'd planned to take her to be put down on Friday, so as to put it off as long as possible. But on Monday, I woke up, felt her warm muzzle on my leg, and then heard her sigh and keep sleeping. Then someone honked a horn on the street and I felt the trembling and my heart sank. I knew I couldn't keep her alive like that one day longer. When I looked at her, she weakly smiled back and I saw the bags under her eyes and I knew she was ready to go. I think it's safe to generalize and say that as pet owners, we all dread the day when we have to let them go — especially when it's up to us to pull the plug. But I assure you that when the time comes, you'll find the wherewithal to say goodbye because it'll be for their comfort, and not yours.
So in memory of my Coco, give your pets a big kiss from me and love, love, love them as long as you have them. That's how they love you))
Attached is her last photo, the night before she left, in her favorite spot, resting (and not trembling!).
PS: How Coco came into my life is a story in and of itself, and I plan to publish it soon... in another language.
This is really moving, Uly. I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you had such a wonderful companion. I don't have any pets but I hope that sometime soon my partner and I can adopt a cat or two, and maybe someday a dog when we have more space.
🐕😢💔🐶💝
Saying goodbye to a pet is heart breaking! We have a puppy and I hate thinking about the sad truth of having to say goodbye to her one day. I give Nova a big hug as I wiped away my tears after reading this. <3
@Beth: Thank you for your words. I highly recommend you do adopt a pet or two))
My heart goes out to you because I too know what it feels like to lose a pet. Great post!
@Linda: I agree, but thankfully, I still have my dog, Nina, and a cockatoo, Rocco.
@Michelle: Thank you for your lovely comment and your tears — they mean a lot)))
@Tatiana: Thank you. Luckily, I have great memories and lots of photos and videos of her :) She was a real gift.
Here are my remaining pets, Nina and Rocco, sharing their first cherry: https://www.dropbox.com/s/so4fhbf812oajcq/Cherry.MOV?dl=0
CocoPop, I hope this all - memories, photos and videos of Coco and, most importantly, Nina and Rocco are helping you through this still difficult time.
Absolutely, Tatiana, they're my little rays of sunshine every day :)
Hey man, I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think Coco could have asked for any better of an owner. God bless you.))
Thank you so much, Tom, that's really nice of you to say)))
I'm sorry for your loss, Uly. Your text was very moving and reminded me of my first cat, whom I lost due to a kidney malfunction. I have many fond memories of her, as you surely do of Coco!
Després de llegir aquest text no sé què dir. Simplement m'ha deixat sense paraules. Un simple "em sap greu" sona massa superficial i sense sentit, però sincerament és l'únic que em surt: Em sap greu.
@Uly: I'm also sorry for your loss, i completely missed to say that. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Thank you all for your kind words. I'm so glad I posted this — the response has been so comforting))
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad to know that she lived a great life and she had a great owner like you. Thank you for your post
That's so nice, Dina, thank you))
I am really sad to read this! You obviously did the best you could do. In the end, what really counts is to be grateful for the time you could share with her.
Absolutely, Marcus, I was so very grateful for that time, and so glad that I took so many pictures of her and videos at the beach — her happy place. Thank you for your kind words)))
Now with audio!
I absolutely adore the audio! That way, the story gets even more under the skin, I had goosebumps while listening! 💔🐶💝
WOW :|
Thank you both! I had to do five takes because my voice kept cracking. It's crazy how much I still miss her.
Wow, the audio gives even more life to the text. I agree with Linda, it really gets under your skin.
Yes, now I can put a voice to your text and comments ("Radio Journaly", Uly, seriously?). I don't know, this sounds really just... professional. Way beyond being native or not, or having a good voice and what not, this recording is simply perfect. These audio posts are just great, and this one is the best.
Are you a professional radio speaker or something? You could easily record audiobooks and the like. I mean, retrospectively seen, you should write (and record) creepy stories! (I hope this comment doesn't fall too much out of the tone of this post, I'm just dealing with the shock xD).
Hahahahaha, as a matter of fact, I do also work as a voice talent (that's what they call it — sorry it sounds so bemba de perro). I really love this idea of recording my texts. I just added another one: https://journaly.com/post/6018
Caro, thank you for listening and commenting. I'm glad the recording brought the story to life for you.
@CocoPop: Sad topic. But great voice! I love listening to audios while I read the text. I feels like getting more information.
But what is a 'voice talent' - is this the name of a profession? @Eduard: This audio thingy really was a good idea.
Thank you, Cloudy))) Yes, the profession is voiceover artist or voice talent, both of which sound so snooty.
Thanks for sharing that with us again. Even more moving when actually listening to it...
Thank you for listening))
So sad. Lo siento.
Спасибо, что поделились своим переживанием: очень трогательно и проникновенно. На самом деле очень боюсь этого момента со своей собакой... Пойду обниму свою Васю. Отдельное удовольствие слушать Вас и параллельно Вас же читать.
This reminded me of our previous dog, Lala. She was the same breed of my Coco, black lab. She came our house as our daughter's companion dog because our daughter is an only child. They grew up together. So, when we lost her (Actually, I was in Canada.), my husband and our daughter had to face to her death. When I heard her death, I felt very sorry because I was not there. They can't speak human languages and this makes my heart break. After we lost her, my family and I couldn't help having a puppy again. That's our Coco. She will turn 10 years old this July and she's getting older. Your words, "give your pets a big kiss from me and love, love, love them as long as you have them. That's how they love you)) " resonated with me.
Thank you for reading. I'm glad you were able to relate to that part because I consider that the crux of the entire post 💝