Every Thursday, I visit my parents to take care of them. My dad will turn 94 and my mom will turn 88 this year, but they are still quite independent. I clean their house, do gardening, go shopping for them, take them to their medical appointments, and so on.
After the pandemic, my mom started saying strange things, which sounded like she was having hallucinations. I was so worried about her that I took her to a neurology clinic. The doctor examined her and told me she might have Schizophrenia for elderly people. I was shocked but I was glad to know what's going on her. He also suggested my mom should go to a large hospital to take a MRI. After taking it, they figured out that she had a stroke and probably that's the reason she said odd things. Since then, I've taken her to the clinic regularly. She stopped saying weird things, but two years year she fell down and broke her right leg. Because of that, she had to be in the hospital for three months. During she was in the hospital, I had to take care of my dad. He has a hearing problem and is very stubborn, so even though I've recommended him wearing hearing aids, he has kept refusing it.
Last Thursday, I visited my parents as usual. When my dad saw me, he said something strange like my mom said five years ago. I thought, "Oh, no...... my dad also started having his brain problem." I explained my mom that his brain started not working the normal way and asked her to let me know if he said anything that didn’t make sense. She didn't upset at all and just said okay. I was a bit surprised by how calm she was. Then, I took my mom to the clinic. That day, she had a CT scan. Her doctor told us that her brain muscle has stared shrinking. She'll become forgetful even though that day's memory test score was 28/30. When she heard that, she wasn't upset either. I thought she's already accepted everything.
When I shared what her doctor said with my husband, he told me that becoming forgetful might not so bad thing because they won't feel fear of death. If they still keep sharp mind, going to die will be very scared.
It makes me very sad to know that my parents are facing old age and that there is so little I can do for them. I feel very helpless even though I'd love to help them. I know their time is running out, so I'd love to spend as much time with them as I can. I'd love to take them to nice restaurants and enjoy good food as many as we can. I'd love to show them pretty nature as many as we can. I really don't like regretting I should do more to my parents, so I'm going to try my best! Even so, I know I'll still regret.
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It's very good! A sad story - I hope you have no regrets.
Hey Yumi, It's sad to know our parents are going to leave us anytime!
As for your father's hearing problem, would it help in anyway to tell him my story with hearing loss? Maybe this encourages him to have hearing aids!
@Spaceprincess Thank you for reading, correcting and commenting. Yes, it's really sad, but everybody has to go through this. We can't avoid it. It's also very sad.
@Double-Zee Thank you for the suggestion. I think once people turn such old, they really don't care whatever we say. He's super stubborn, but I'll try!
@yumiyumayume It's been a very long time since I've been on Journaly. Your story caught my attention.
I experienced the same thing with my parents. My mother had dementia, and my father had COPD and beginning dementia when they passed away. I felt the same way as you do -- wanting to do everything possible for them and not wanting to regret anything.
Your parents appreciate everything you do for and with them, even though they might not tell you. If I might offer some advice: do as much as you can, but enlist the help of other family members or friends, although the reality is that there is usually one sibling -- the daughter -- who becomes the caretaker. When I was emotionally depleted, my brother would step in.
Even though I did my all, I still have regrets and doubts, which I think is normal. Why did I choose to attend an art class the night she passed away? Should I have allowed the nursing home doctor to give my father morphine? Plus there were fleeting moments of anger as my father's meanness kicked in. But there were also hilarious moments when my mother thought my father was hiding under her nursing home bed dressed in a bra, or when she would call the police from the nursing home to report that my father was mistreating her, or that my sister was decapitated. I learned to humor, not challenge, her delusions. I think you'll find some moments of levity as their cognition decreases.
Please take comfort in all that you do for your parents. Take care of yourself. Relish all the moments you have with them.
Long time no see, @SEQ77! I'm glad you are back! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. I know everybody has to go through this. I'm glad that I can share my feelings with my family and friends. I'd love to do all I can to my parents. I'd watched how my husband treated his parents. He did great, but he still regrets. I know I'll do the same, but I'll keep doing whatever I want to do to my parents.