I struggle to be alone. I'm that kind of person who can't be alone without a partner or a secure spot in his life. I always need someone otherwise, I am anxious.
It's scary, I am panicking etc. and I think I'm pretty deep into this situation and not just because of the breakup. I think I just don't have the ability the be alone at the moment.
I'm in a panic mode right now, and I was just thinking of contacting my ex. I feel like with the changes she made, I maybe can feel safe and secure in that relationship.
I feel like I need my own safe space right now that I don't have.
In psychology, it's called anxious attachment style. There are multiple attachment styles: secure, avoidant, anxious-avoidant, and anxious. I have an anxious attachment style. Even though I know what's happening in me and why it's happening. The feeling is just overwhelming, and the fact that I can't sleep doesn't help. I have elevated heart rate, and my mind is just going everywhere. I have the urge of contacting someone. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to learn how to build my own secure spot. I want to be able to be alone without feeling like I'm falling apart. I need to learn how to self-soothe and become my own safe space. The biggest challenge for me right now is not acting on this impulse.
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Having had several big breakups in my life, I can tell you that "this too shall pass." Maybe the reason you hate being on your own is that you feel guilty because you think you're depriving her of your company because you assume she feels the same way you do. I don't know — I just hate to hear about anyone being sad. You know where to find me if you want to chat. Keep your chin up!
title: Anxious Attachment Style
Hi Norbert! I'd like to recommend a TED talk that helped me in a similar phase... Maybe you'll find some advice that resonates with you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0GQSJrpVhM It’s hard to replace an intense relationship, and the emptiness it leaves can feel a bit like withdrawal. We’re social creatures, so it’s completely normal to feel anxious when we lose the closeness we’ve come to rely on. Emotional security is one of our basic human needs – everyone needs someone close! But it's good to remember that the closeness doesn’t have to come only from a romantic bond. Reaching out to friends and family can help a lot when you feel the way you describe, and even small interactions with strangers can make a difference. I hope you'll be gentle with yourself!
I'm probably not the best person to offer valuable advice on this. So I'll just echo what Uly and Lokus said. Talk to people you know, even here on Journaly. Don't underestimate the power of small interactions with strangers. Please take care of yourself!