Let's gossip. You know that feeling when someone you care about is about to make a big, big mistake, but you can't warn them because you know you'll hurt their feelings? Then they share their decision with you —after pondering it for a few hours, or even less— looking so relieved and happy, like their head is about to blow confetti? (Sorry for the rapid-fire questions. Only Kate Winslet, able to hold her breath for seven minutes, could read them all out loud in one sitting. No wonder she survived the Titanic wreck.)

The problem is that my friend is getting married to a guy who popped the question after six weeks of dating. None of our mutual friends or I have liked him from the beginning. He's as suspicious as an octopus in a garage, but we decided to give him a chance for the sake of our friendship.

I was the first to get the "happy news" and reacted by kissing her and congratulating her. I smiled, or at least I tried. Maybe it was just a weird grimace, since I had a vision of myself stabbing her with a carrot while hugging her.

Dear Abby, what should I do? Do I tell her she’s an idiot and her boyfriend is even worse, or do I start harping about wanting to be her bridesmaid? Please answer soon — the wedding is next Sunday.