Why did I freeze? Why didn’t I jump down his throat? Why didn’t I swear at him? Why did I let him go without pointing it out? Why did it happen to me?

I was riding the bike and I was doing well crossing the bumps. I reached the hotel area, found a shade, and sat for a while. After solving a Sudoku, I started the ride back home.

On the road, there was a bump. I wasn’t sure about it as a car crossed by. I told myself I could do it and everything was going to be okay. Then, out of nowhere, a minibus appeared so close to me. At this point, I lost control of the bike.

Everything didn’t go okay. I hit the minibus and fell on my left side, hurting my elbow and knee. The minibus driver stopped and came running to lift me. What a gentle act!

Nevertheless, the dark side of the story was that he groped my breast while he pretended to help me to stand. What did I do in return? I pushed his hands away from my breast. That was all.

I didn’t react firmly or aggressively. I didn’t face him. I didn’t slap him on the face! I didn’t get my phone out to take a photo of him or his car to threaten him! I just froze, as usual.

The driver kept asking me whether I was okay in English, mistaking me to be a tourist. Right after, he talked in Arabic and asked: Tamam? (Okay?) I answered Tamam! And he rode his minibus and left. It wasn't "Tamam". Why did I say "Tamam"?

I was in shock and pain, emotionally and physically. I didn’t even look at him. I kept silent, wondering whether it was a reality or a dream? Did he touch my boobs on purpose or it wasn’t his intention? If he didn’t mean it, he would quickly move his hands away. He meant it. It wasn’t a dream. It was a real situation and now, I beat myself up for not screaming at him.

When am I going to stop freezing when I need to react fast? When am I going to be able to say NO out loud? When am I going to learn the lesson and save myself the pain?