Can I eat this?

I wouldn't if I were you. That's been in the fridge long enough to grow legs and run away.

Really? It doesn't look that bad.

Don't eat it. I can smell it from here.

That's the thing — it smells amazing to me. Do you want some?

Thank you. I'll pass. This is what amazes me: how can you eat so much and still be so thin?

I'm not that thin. And I don't eat that much. Actually, I was thinking of going on a diet this weekend.

A diet? Wait, I don't think that's a good idea. Have you ever heard of body dysmorphia?

No. Is it an illness or something like that?

Not really. But there's this condition where you see yourself way fatter or thinner than you actually are. It's pretty common.

You think I've got that?

Well, maybe not yet. But you're definitely this close.

Okay, sister, this is what I think: you're jealous. How about that?

What? You take that back!

Okay, but let me throw this in the trash first. It tastes like carpet/a shoe.

That's more like it.