After having been blocked for over two days, my better right ear is getting a bit better. The last couple of days, I decided to stay home, instead of going for my uplifting walks. I wouldn’t walk on streets or a beach with a blocked ear, not on my own, at least. Nowadays, a liquid is coming out of my ear.

It’s probably an infection. I have no idea what the reason is. I noticed that this has occurred quite often recently, especially when I’m in Safaga, a small, beautiful coastal city on the Red Sea with high humidity. My guess is that either humidity or/and my nose are the reason. Or it's a third unknown reason and I'm just giving a shot in the dark here. Humidity is maybe not a direct reason but it’s not less than a trigger. As I wear my hearing aids all the time, bacteria might grow in one way or another. Humidity would foster bacteria to grow faster and make my ear feel worse.

As for the nose or/and chest, since my sister and her children have allergies, I think I should check whether I have a similar problem and if it affects my ears. I know I should have known already since childhood whether there's any connection. Hey, I've just learned how devastating my hearing impairment was for my life and personality the last year. I started wearing hearing aids almost nine years ago though I've been hard of hearing since a young age. So just take a breath and don't be harsh on yourself!

As my ear keeps getting blocked and unblocked repeatedly, by the end of the day, I feel dizzy, nauseous and drained. As the saying goes, "It never rains but it pours".

Imagine yourself watching a movie while the volume keeps going up and down all the time. It’s irritating and confusing, isn’t it? You, however, have the option to turn off the device, choose another movie to watch or just do a different activity. Unfortunately, I don’t have any other options. I have to live with that every day until I find a solution.

In situations like this, I understand why I’ve been avoiding outings and people all my life. I’m supposed to travel to Giza the day after tomorrow. I’ve no idea how I’m going to deal with all the talks on the journey with my blocked ear! You might ask but you still have the left ear! Okay, my left ear doesn't do any better. Actually, it's my worst ear as the discrimination is quite low. Discrimination in hearing tests refers to the difficulty of perceiving some speech sounds. Frankly, the discrimination even in my right ear isn't that great as well!

In other words, sometimes I hear but I don’t understand anything from what I hear. I was once listening to a video and all I got was: non-understandable words + it’s new. The actual speech was: Americans have a very hard time getting their heads around it because it’s lose. I got only three words from all that long sentence and only two words out of two were actually correct.

Other times, I mishear which is as bad as not hearing or understanding at all. In this case, for some people, I give them irrelevant answers as my ex once accused me of. On one occasion, I heard Timo asking me: "Where’s the light?" I confidently went to turn on the light. To find out that he actually said: "Where’s Hans?"

This happens quite often in my daily life. Some people ask me to laugh it off but it’s difficult. Every so often, I need to hear correctly. There’s no time or a chance to joke or brush what I hear under the carpet.

Why don’t I go to an ENT? I went to the public hospital twice before in Safaga with no progress. I’m not going to waste time or effort here again. Last time, I had to go to Luxor. Although my ear then got better after checking it with a doctor in Luxor, I still keep getting the same problem which means the underlying cause isn’t treated yet.

I hope my ear gets unclogged soon. Otherwise, I have no option but to travel with a blocked ear and have it checked in Giza.

Time after time, I come to understand that I have a problem with communication which was another thing that my ex pointed out. I believe that a big part of that communication problem is due to not hearing or mishearing all my life. The solution for that problem is to "improve" my hearing through a cochlear implant which is an unaffordable option for me. The other less desirable solution is to ask people for accommodations. And I’m exhausted of explaining my case and needs over and over again. Every obstacle wears me out. Every eyebrow raising embarrasses me. Every look at me as if I was stupid when I don't hear or mishear disappoints me. I don’t know how long I’ll keep going before giving up! May Allah give me the strength and determination to overcome every hindrance comes my way!