Sometimes, my mother and sister celebrate their birthdays on the same day because my mother follows the lunar calendar while my sister follows the solar calendar. My mother is in her 60s, and my sister is in her 30s. As my mother ages like my grandmother did, my sister is also getting older, much like my mother did before her.

My mother's 30s were filled with less rest and a long parenting period due to raising four children. She had more children to take care of, which made her feel a strong sense of responsibility for our family and led her to sacrifice her youth. This is a different circumstance from mine. I am not married and am instead focusing on myself.

I have more time to achieve my goals than my mother did because I don't have the same responsibilities. Thus, I feel like I need to accomplish something as significant as being a parent. Sometimes, I think about what I should have achieved by certain ages, even though I acknowledge there is no 'normal' or 'standard' for life. Nonetheless, I plan what I want to do in my 40s, 50s, and beyond, as if I might become a great career woman someday. In hindsight, it seems I need something beyond mere survival. In this light, I feel like I am nothing right now because I am just living without work or tangible achievements. This time might be meant for rest, but I feel like my age dictates that I should be working or making a profit.

I have observed various lifestyles, yet I still act as if life has only one solution. Unless I die suddenly, my birthday will keep coming every year. For me, the trap of age is not something I can easily ignore, even though I’ve tried to break free from it for a long time. The limitations of age will always exist, not just as a number.