Hi everyone,
I wrote this back in May, I think, but I just remembered it today and decided to share it here. It's nothing very elaborate; my main goal was to practice writing about a topic that caught my attention at the time. The things I wrote only reflect my thoughts, and opinions, so, feel free to disagree and give your point of view.
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Today, I was listening to a podcast called The Psychology of Your 20s, and it really made me think about the topic presented in episode 86: Perfectionism and Academic Anxiety. I don't want to discuss academic anxiety, but I'd like to delve into the topic of perfectionism and how it impacts our lives.
What is Perfectionism?
If we look this word up in the Cambridge Dictionary, we'll find that the definition: the wish for everything to be correct or perfect! Based on this definition, we may come up with a few questions. Is it possible to do everything perfectly? Can we be good at everything? Why should we be perfect? What does it mean to be perfect? So many questions, and to be honest, I don't have the answers. However, it may make us reflect on our actions and how they influence our daily lives. The desire to do everything perfectly will keep us even from starting something we really want to do. This fear of failing will make us procrastinate, postpone projects, ideas, dreams and many other things. So, I believe that understanding this process better will open a door to change - at least we can try.
Types of Perfectionists
The research conducted by clinical psychologists Dr. Paul Hewitt and Dr. Gordon Fleet shows three types of perfectionism as explained by their multidimensional perfectionism scale. The first one is called the Socially Prescribed Perfectionist. This type is extremely self-critical and feels very pressured by their own standards. They also worry too much about other people's opinions of them, and they usually present low self-esteem and confidence. The second type is the Other-Oriented Perfectionist. They set high standards for themselves and also for those around them, which makes it hard to form relationships with them. They also can be very destructive. The last type is the Self-Oriented Perfectionist. They set high standards for themselves as well, however, they're able to pursue their goals. That makes them very productive and successful. Personally, I don't think we should try to be any of these. Instead, we must find ways to be comfortable in our own skin and set achievable goals. Nevertheless, it's quite important to understand all three types, determine which one applies to you, and work to change.
Final Thoughts
As I mentioned earlier, I believe that understanding perfectionism can help us to better deal with it. I'd also like to emphasize that we shouldn't see it as an inherent property since that's so detrimental to our mental health. Accept the fact that no matter what we do, we'll never be perfect. Actually, no one is perfect, and it must be a relief. You're allowed to make mistakes and try again. Our mistakes can't define who we are nor can they stop us from pursuing our dreams and goals. Understand, accept, and change - let's adopt this new mentality.
That's it! Thanks for reading!
Headline image by brett_jordan on Unsplash
Good work! The concepts in this post are very interesting to me especially because as a professional editor, my job is basically that of a paid perfectionist, and that never occurred to me until now. So do I consider myself immune to the three types, or do I have to consider myself two separate entities: the professional, who gets paid to be a perfectionist, and the real me, who needs to work extra hard to not let my professional scrutiny bleed into my personal relationships? Definitely something to think about.
title: Perfectionism Isn't (Necessarily) a Good/Positive Quality || Perfectionism is a quality, but it's not necessarily a good one.
What an interesting post! Psychology has become a new interest of mine, and I'll be sure to check out the podcast you referred to. I'd consider myself a recovering Socially Prescribed Perfectionist in which I was terrified of seeing any blue highlights on my posts. I simply don't know what I don't know, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Aside from that, your English is great! I understood everything really clearly even before CocoPop's corrections.
I had come across this topic, and it really got me thinking about it. Now, your post has made me think even more, I'll definitely check out that episode!
@thaynaralimaa, thanks for your comment. I highly recommend this podcast if you're interested in psychology, and want to explore more the concepts. It makes us rethink many things.
@JGComm, thanks for reading. I know what you feel by seeing the blue highlights on the posts; I used to get a little bit anxious every time, but now I try to think about them positively. It's good to have other people reading what you wrote, and giving feedback. Besides, I hope you have a great recovery and remain part of this community.
Hi, @CocoPop! Thanks for reading and giving your great corrections as always. To think of your job as a paid perfectionist sounds interesting; I'd assume is essential for you to be very attentive to the details, and small aspects that we would normally ignore. I watched a movie critic interview, and she said that after decades of working in the field, she lost her ability to watch the movie or TV series without analyzing the content, storyline, acting, etc. That makes me think, do you experience something related even though trying to separate your professional life from your personal one?
Besides, I'll think about changing the title, but I keep not seeing perfectionism as a quality.
@-Edward- The fact is that I can't read anything without editing it — albeit in my mind. I don't think that's a bad thing and I try very hard not to correct people's English in conversation, etc. because nobody likes a grammar Nazi. But yeah, it definitely is a form of perfectionism and I don't mind it.
In terms of perfectionism being a quality, I'm not sure we're on the same page. A quality is a trait that can be attributed to someone: being responsible, being lazy, being rude, being polite, etc. These are all qualities that can be used to describe a person. Similarly, perfectionism is a quality. Now, what do you mean by "quality"? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding you and you're using the wrong word.
@CocoPop, thanks for answering. I understand you controlling yourself not to correct people. As for the word perfectionism, I believe we're having a misunderstanding in terms of the word indeed. For me, quality is a positive trait you have and it affects you positively. I think this is something cultural because here in my country, we don't use perfectionism to describe an entirely good thing.
@-Edward- Now I understand the confusion. In English, a quality isn't necessarily good. It's just a trait and it can be a positive trait or a negative trait. So saying that perfectionism isn't a quality is incorrect because it is a quality. What you mean is that it's not necessarily a good quality.
@CocoPop, thanks for explaining. I'll keep that in mind.
Now I see the problem: https://claudia.abril.com.br/saude/perfeccionismo-e-qualidade-ou-defeito English doesn't work like this. Apparently, in Portuguese, a qualidade is always considered good. In English, a quality is just a characteristic and it can be good or bad.
Exactly, in Portuguese, we have the word qualidade to describe a good characteristic and the word defeito to refer to a bad characteristic.
So all you have to do is add good/positive in front of quality in this post and you'll be good 👍🏻