If you've never seen an octopus up close, you can't say you've seen it all. We're strange creatures, all right, but there's a lot more to us than our slippery appearance and our eight arms. Yes, arms, not legs as many people think. We do use our back two as if they were legs sometimes, mind you, whenever they feel like it, since the eight are packed with neurons and act independently. Males have a special "arm" you know, for reproductive purposes, which, surprisingly enough, can also be used as a sort of delivery guy, or more like an Amazon courier, since he drops off a package of sperm when the female isn't in the mood for, you know, a party, so she can use it when it suits her. That's something I've always appreciated because after the party we die, like Romeo and Juliet, which, given the similarities, could very well have been a story about octopuses. However, that's something we'll never know since Shakespeare took the secret with him to the heaven of writers.

What else... oh yes, we don't celebrate Saint Valentine's Day, but we do have three hearts. You think that's weird? I know shrimps only have one, which is considered much more normal, but they have it in their heads, so... talk about weird.

So, in conclusion, we octopuses are almost perfect—except for one thing: we can't dream. I've tried a thousand different ways: sleeping face up, face down, even sideways, but nothing. So I guess we'll just have to wait a little longer for evolution to fix that.