Silence

It was a sunny summer morning. Nothing special. I was 17 years old. I lost everything, my leggs not responding properly, it was the end of my sport career swimming with the team. My first love left me for another young woman. I had troubles to continue my studies at college, financial problems for being honest. Someone said to me "practice yoga". After refusing a couple of months i agreed. I got a freebie in a yoga school near to my neigbourhood.

The first yoga lesson... what i saw was a lot of older women with white hair. I felt weird being there. The lesson began. Well, the warm up was relaxed, i was getting little bit bored, because i was used to do sports, to suffer, to cross all physical borders, but yoga... that was easy. Even if i got little bit bored i was starting feeling better. The teacher was emphatizing that we should breath in and out, being synchron to the movement of the body. This was a new experience , something happened in my body and my brain. I was completly focused on my breathing, so concentrated that i forgot all my problems, my sadness... but i realized it at the end of the lesson, as we should lay on the floor and relax. I haven´t relax in front of other people never in my life, that was a private issue. I wasn´t use to show myself sleepy in front of strangers. But suddenly i started falling asleep... i was not able to control my body... all my thoughts were gone, there was a gap in my mind. I tried to fill the gap with my sorrows, with my pain and fears, but i couldn´t. My brain, my body shoot down. I got scared, but as i couldn´t avoid the moment, i let it happen. I felt as being sucked trough a highspeed tunnel with no brakes.. it got faster and faster ... Everything happened to fast. Suddenly i felt into an empty space. The light was beig-cremy-light pink, a friendly color. The temperature was perfect, not to warm , not to hot. There was nothing. But do we know the experience of being in a room with "nothing " inside ? I didn´t . I was everywhere and nowhere. Nothing was there, nobody, not even i was there. I melt with everything and started feeling happy. All my fears where gone. My heart pain was gone. I could think about all my life with distance. It started turning less important. I started feeling stronger and incredibly happy. The silence, being completly alone made me happy. This was a perfect magic moment. I didn´t know if i could get back there again, because i didn´t know how i achieve it ... but the i knew i could feel happy and safe in this place.

The lesson came to its end. I was in silence, left the room and stood happy till now, it´s been 20 years since that day.

(I went back to the yoga school, i could come back to the silence over and over again, of course my life is like everybodys life with ups and downs. Happy and sad moments, but i know that i can detach from all what is happening , take a deep breath and go to the silence back again )

Dreadlocks_Bavaria

Silence : first time alone