Silence
It was a sunny summer morning. Nothing special. I was 17 years old. I lost everything, my leggs not responding properly, it was the end of my sport career swimming with the team. My first love left me for another young woman. I had troubles to continue my studies at college, financial problems for being honest. Someone said to me "practice yoga". After refusing a couple of months i agreed. I got a freebie in a yoga school near to my neigbourhood.
The first yoga lesson... what i saw was a lot of older women with white hair. I felt weird being there. The lesson began. Well, the warm up was relaxed, i was getting little bit bored, because i was used to do sports, to suffer, to cross all physical borders, but yoga... that was easy. Even if i got little bit bored i was starting feeling better. The teacher was emphatizing that we should breath in and out, being synchron to the movement of the body. This was a new experience , something happened in my body and my brain. I was completly focused on my breathing, so concentrated that i forgot all my problems, my sadness... but i realized it at the end of the lesson, as we should lay on the floor and relax. I haven´t relax in front of other people never in my life, that was a private issue. I wasn´t use to show myself sleepy in front of strangers. But suddenly i started falling asleep... i was not able to control my body... all my thoughts were gone, there was a gap in my mind. I tried to fill the gap with my sorrows, with my pain and fears, but i couldn´t. My brain, my body shoot down. I got scared, but as i couldn´t avoid the moment, i let it happen. I felt as being sucked trough a highspeed tunnel with no brakes.. it got faster and faster ... Everything happened to fast. Suddenly i felt into an empty space. The light was beig-cremy-light pink, a friendly color. The temperature was perfect, not to warm , not to hot. There was nothing. But do we know the experience of being in a room with "nothing " inside ? I didn´t . I was everywhere and nowhere. Nothing was there, nobody, not even i was there. I melt with everything and started feeling happy. All my fears where gone. My heart pain was gone. I could think about all my life with distance. It started turning less important. I started feeling stronger and incredibly happy. The silence, being completly alone made me happy. This was a perfect magic moment. I didn´t know if i could get back there again, because i didn´t know how i achieve it ... but the i knew i could feel happy and safe in this place.
The lesson came to its end. I was in silence, left the room and stood happy till now, it´s been 20 years since that day.
(I went back to the yoga school, i could come back to the silence over and over again, of course my life is like everybodys life with ups and downs. Happy and sad moments, but i know that i can detach from all what is happening , take a deep breath and go to the silence back again )
Wow, what an experience. I've never done yoga, but I've stretched and meditated (separately). I've felt something like you describe while meditating, but maybe there is magic to the combination. I do think that learning to accept and detach (funny how those words sound like opposites, but describe the same action in your mind) is super important in life
I noticed a few repeated things in your post: "I" (the pronoun) should always be capitalized, no spaces after apostrophes (unless, of course, they come at the end of a plural noun indicating possession), and comma splices. A comma splice is when you use a comma to stick together what should be two separate sentences. Of course journal entries are often more like "written speech" than actual writing, so it's not a big problem. In formal writing though, most of your commas should be changed to periods. Also, "too" as in "too much of something, too hot, too late" has two Os (as opposed to "to").
Also, your color description made me think of this thing I never knew I knew about English until I read this: https://twitter.com/MattAndersonNYT/status/772002757222002688