Little by little, I'm writing a short story in English, my native language. I decided to translate it into Spanish as I'm writing. I'd appreciate feedback about the current translation, as the source text will likely change. (NOTE: After applying the editor's suggestions, the two-column table format I used made it difficult to read the text and it removed much of the editor's highlights. I've since edited the source and translated text.)
Source Text
Lucy used to believe the world beyond Cliff Street was hers to shape into whatever she dreamed of. Among the wooded hills surrounding the street, she felt alive and at one with the earth. After a rainfall, she and her cousins —first cousins and a few they simply called kissing cousins—would splash barefoot through puddles in the unpaved, rocky road, and delight in the sound of mud squishing between their toes. They made mud pies bigger than the apple pies their mothers baked, and when their attention was drawn to the earthworms wriggling in the damp soil, snails emerging after a rain, or a bird struggling in the mud after falling from its nest, they’d set the pies aside and rush off in search of their next adventure.
Translated Text
Lucy solía creer que el mundo más allá de la calle Cliff era suyo para darle forma según lo que soñara. Entre las colinas arboladas que rodeaban la calle, se sentía viva y en armonía con la tierra. Después de una tormenta, ella y sus primos —primos hermanos y algunos a quienes simplemente llamaban "primos que se besan"— chapoteaban descalzos en los charcos de la pedregosa calle sin pavimentar y se deleitaban con el sonido del barro que se aplastaba entre los dedos del pie. Hacían pasteles de barro más grandes que los de manzana que horneaban sus madres, y cuando su atención se desviaba hacia las lombrices que se retorcían en la tierra húmeda, los caracoles que salían después de la lluvia, o un pájaro que se debatía en el barro tras caerse de su nido, ellos dejaban a un lado sus pasteles y salían corriendo en busca de su próxima aventura. |
