During my secondary studies in IT courses, I had a chat with a girl from Belgorod. She shared her concerns about this place being very dangerous to live, with rockets flying every day and all that. I asked her, "Don't you want to move?"
"I want to, yes, but I'm not able to right now. I've already picked the country I want to move to."
"I don't think I could ever leave my city," I said. "I'm too attached to my friends."
"You could always find new friends anywhere you move to," she replied.
Then she shared her stories about people she met during her trips. I'd hardly even call them acquaintances. You can always find people to chat with and to spend time with, yes. But what about true friendship?
A friend of a friend messaged me, saying, "Can I ask you a few questions? I have a task from my psychologist."
"I hope it's not a set of questions like what you like and don't like about me," I answered in jest. "A person came to me with a questionnaire like this before."
"Haha, yes. But I need to figure out why I repel people."
I had no idea what she meant. I also had no idea how I got into her mailing list. We barely know each other; we interacted only a few times in group settings. That's what I explained to her first question, which was, How do you see me? A friend? An acquaintance?
I saw a video recently that referred to a study saying you need to have 50-200 hours of interaction to build a friendship. And I think those researchers are onto something. Every person I'd call a friend, I have known for at least ten years.
But it isn't about just time. It's about finding the right person, someone you vibe with. This year, I've been more open than ever to meeting new people. Through the IT courses I took, I got to know a lot of people with similar interests. But when I got to know them more closely, I realized that I just... don't really like them. Some have no boundaries and like to get into your personal life. Some like to gossip and talk shit behind people's backs. Some just post completely distasteful and degrading things. And maybe I'm too picky, but I'd rather not interact with those people. And I'm not sure if I should keep looking for the right people or if I have already cashed out on the best people I could ever find.
When thinking about career opportunities, I contemplated moving again. Am I in need of my people? Or can I leave them behind? At one point, after losing a few important people, I thought that I could leave the rest behind. But just one visit to my hometown, meeting with all the people I grew up with, makes me think that I'm exactly where I need to be.
I've talked about friendships with a friend of mine. She told me that she has no true friends. When I heard what she said, I was shocked because I had believed I'm one of her friends. She meant much deeper meaning of that. As thinking about true friends, I definitely think my husband is my best friend. I have lots of friends, but nobody can replace him. I appreciate what I have.
@yumiyumayume, Your friend probably thinks of you as a friend, but a casual one. Here’s a great article about types of friendships: acquaintances, casual, close, and lifelong: https://www.verywellmind.com/the-types-of-friendship-7975881#toc-signs-of-a-good-friend .
Years ago, I worked with a woman who was built similarly to me. We often joked that we didn’t have to look up from our desks to see who was approaching, because as we walked, the swishing sound of our stockinged thighs announced our arrival. So, this has been what has tied us together for the past 40 years. We don’t talk often, but when we do, we always laugh about those thunder thighs! We also talk about our life-threatening illnesses, family relationships, husbands, children, goals, death, and always encourage each other to have the best life possible. Not only that, but we can lend a shoulder to cry on if needed or just listen without commenting. She’s a lifelong friend.
Right now, my daughter and husband are my best friends. They won’t sugarcoat what they say to placate me and are respectful of my opinions and knowledge. My husband uses the term “friends” loosely. They could be former co-workers or committee members. I’ve never met any of them.
I often wonder about the few friendships I’ve had, what draws me to a particular person over another, and why I can feel an affinity toward someone I’ve never met but only corresponded with. I would hazard a guess that if you and I met in person, we would be friends. What resonates throughout your posts is frankness, generosity, kindness, love of family, and a lust for life, attributes that I admire.
@SEQ77 Thank you for the link. I think so too.