As soon as you read the first tip, you’ll think, “She made them up.” I swear I didn’t, and the guy I heard these tips from is supposedly an editor. So let’s start with the first one.

Write in Comic Sans.

— Yeah, right. It’s probably the most hated font on the internet, so what’s the point?

— The point is that it’s easy to read quickly and looks informal.

— I’m still not getting it.

— Me neither. But he says that Comic Sans looks informal and has uneven letter spacing. That’s why it reduces the pressure to write “perfect” drafts.

— You mean messy drafts are the start of better writing?

— Yeah… beats me. Ready for the second tip?

— I can’t wait. Make my day, man.

Use a timer.

— Oh, that actually makes sense to me. I’d be sitting at my laptop for ages if my stomach didn’t roar like crazy.

— That’s not it. The idea is to set it to weird lengths of time, like “7 minutes and 33 seconds,” or "11 minutes and 11 seconds."

— Ahh… so the timer pressures you since Comic Sans didn’t?

— You don’t get it, do you? It’s crystal clear!

— Enlighten me, please. I’m clueless.

— The weird timing snaps you out of your routine, so you let your words flow.

— Ahh, you should’ve started there.

— And you should pay more attention. Third tip. And this one is no joke.

Talk to a rubber duck.

— Okay… go on. I’m dying to know what the science behind that is. If there is any.

— You just explain your writing problem out loud to the duck. That’s it.

— That’s all? What if I don’t have a rubber duck?

— No problem. Use your shoe or anything else. Just tell it what you’re struggling with, and magically, you’ll find the solution.

— Fine. If it works, I'm getting the duck ice cream.

— Cut the banter. There are still seven tips left.

— Nope. Let’s stop here before this gets any weirder. I'm calling it a day.

— You miss it. And don’t come crying to me when you don’t know what to write about.

— Fine. Then I'll ask my shoe to be my editor.