Speaking of books, who's messing with the weather? It's really hot outside today, stupid hot. Just yesterday I was wearing a really long scarf and a pair of ridiculously thick gloves. This weather can't be normal. I want this to be over soon. I want it so bad that I've been toying with the idea of putting off my hibernation. I mean, I love hibernating. I can sleep as much as I want for months, and I look lean as a whip when the spring comes, and all that without beating myself with the damn intermittent fasting. You know what? I'm not hibernating this winter. I haven't put on enough extra weight yet. Not that I haven't done my best at it, it's just that It's not worth wasting time sleeping when there's so much I could be doing instead, like getting fit, going to the mall, or eating termites. Doing nothing is also one of my favorite activities —if you can call it an "activity." Anyway, when there's nothing to do in the cave, it's easy to fall asleep. So this morning I said to myself, "Let's go shopping, lady! It's sales season, and who knows? Maybe you'll find something nice and cheap. I'm really good at snuffling through piles of clothes. Once, I found a cockroach that cost $1.99. I usually avoid eating junk food, but I ended up eating it. I'm starving all the time, so after indulging in it, I walked away without paying. It was stale.