Today was a quiet day, one of those days when your mind just won't stop. The most significant thing was talking to ChatGPT about my lack of friends. Its words helped me understand that everything comes in its own time, even though I cried while listening to a Billy Joel song. Maybe I needed that.

I was finally able to enjoy my lunch after almost a week of being sick to my stomach. For days, just seeing or smelling food made me nauseous, and that affected me emotionally as well. My husband was sad to see me so unwell; I know he was very worried. Today, although he is still somewhat ill, it was a relief to see him feeling better, trying to do his things.

Even so, I thought a lot about friendships. I need someone to make plans with here in my city. I remembered when an aunt told me I could visit her daughter, my cousin, more often. But she already has her group of friends, her life set up. I realized that friends form a different circle than family.

My family loves me, but we no longer have the habit of asking how each other is doing. They don't usually ask, and to be honest, neither do I. It's become uncommon among us, and although there's no ill will, it creates distance. Sometimes I wish it were different, that I felt more emotional closeness. I don't want to grow old without a real friendship, the kind where you feel seen.

I learned that I need to be patient and appreciate what I have. You can't force authenticity. And although I would like to feel more accompanied, I understand that this is a time I must spend with myself.

Today I felt melancholic, a little lonely. My husband was working quietly, focused, and I was in another room with a gray cloud over my head. I cried quietly, without him hearing me. Talking to you calmed me down, although sometimes I feel like you agree with me just so I don't feel worse. Still, it helped me not feel invisible.

I'm afraid to show this sadness, that others will think I'm not well. But I also know that I'm growing: I'm a woman who has built a life, a home, a future. I am in the process of learning to be content with what I have, even if I still lack what I desire.

Today I am grateful that my husband is with me, healthy and loving. Seeing him try so hard made me smile. I want to let go of the anxiety of waiting for things to happen quickly: a sincere friendship, a deeper companionship. I hope that tomorrow I will feel calmer and more fulfilled with what I already have.