I have an amateur blog where I post my personal experiences, thoughts and everything I need to get out of my mind. I found I was getting several views from different countries around the world.

Most of these countries aren’t where my non-Egyptian friends are from.

Hong Kong, Vietnam, Singapore, Poland, France, Argentina, etc are a few of countless views on my blog stats.

My first guess was that someone used a VPN while scrolling through my posts. Deep inside, I was hoping, and deluding myself, that it was my ex.

When we were together, I never shared the blog with him. After the break-up, I blocked him on all my social media. So why did I wish it was him? How could he find my blog?

What paved the way to be under these delusions was that after a few months, I unblocked him. However, by that time, he had moved on and got another girlfriend.

How did I know? I knew because it was me who stalked him. He never stalked me. He never tried to reach out to me. He never found my blog or read through it. And he never cared about me when I was with him, so why would he care when it was already over?

He's lived his life while it’s me who’s still stuck. I even had him in my dream a few days ago.

Why is it so hard to let go of him, to forget him? What am I doing wrong that keeps pulling me back instead of moving forward?

A couple of days ago, a Canadian friend told me that he was reading through my blog. I asked him if he used a VPN. He said it came with his phone. It's not my ex.

I feel so ashamed of how I feel. I keep beating myself up which just makes me feel worse!

I wish I had an option to have memory erasure as that one in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind!