Before the end of Ramadan, my brother and I went to visit our mother in Aswan. My brother was the first one who got into the room where my mother was having breakfast. Yes, patients are permitted not to fast. As soon as she saw us, she stood and right away came to hug me before even greeting my brother. My brother jealously said to my mother, “Of course, she’s the apple of your eyes.” I proudly commented, “Of course, I am.”

Moments like this give my life a sense and a meaning. My mother and I ever had a complicated relationship. Anyone who could see us during our fights would think we were enemies, not mother and daughter.

This has changed maybe because of time, age or mindset and maturing. I don’t care anymore about how and why the change happened. The most important thing is that it happened and now, I feel relieved about it. I know what I can do and cannot do. I care about my mother and I will do my best to alleviate even if just a little bit of what she’s going through.

Despite having parts of me broken which will never be fixed due to this deformed relationship with my mother, I’m reconciling to this fact. I have to move on with all my scars and wounds which shaped me and made the version I am now in one way or another.

In my life, some wishes will come true quite late and others will never be achieved. C’est la vie. I don’t have to go the extra mile all the time for all people. I have to look after myself so I can look after people I care about. I’ll do it at my own pace, without rush or regret. No regret about the past and no fear of the future, just having awareness to be in the present and enjoy it the most is enough.

My mother looked sad when it was time to say goodbye. She kept looking at us while we were going downstairs, as if she wanted to ask us to stay longer with her. We didn't have much time and we had to hurry to catch the train. Goodbyes have always been difficult for me but I think I'm getting used to it.