Santa Claus  and Damn Little Lies, or Cussing in America
English

Santa Claus and Damn Little Lies, or Cussing in America

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by

culture
intercultural communication

I just realized something about how cussing works in American culture and I think I can explain it simply.

We have several categories of taboo words. Cusses like "shit" and "hell" are one of them. These are words that we sometimes pretend aren't part of the language. In polite or formal situations, in front of young children, or when we want to show self-control and maturity we pretend like we don't use those words - even though everyone really does know them and most people use them. It's a game of shared make-believe, similar to the truth about Santa Claus.

There is a bit of a dark side to this culture. People do punish each other for breaking the rules. We might scold "Frank, don't say that in front of the kids!" or send kids to time out. There's class-based prejudice too, sometimes people think "I'm so much better than them because I don't cuss." But for the most part it feels like a light-hearted game to me: the "who can describe this shitty situation without saying 'shit' " game. It's good brain-exercise.

Other words are taboo in ways that aren't a fun game. Words that communicate "I am okay with discrimination and violence" (slurs) are taken seriously and so are clear descriptions of sexual and violent actions. Some words, like the ever-popular "fuck," range between being a strong cuss to explicitly sexual.

My advice for learners is that everyone should understand cussing. Whether you choose to play the game is a personal decision - it is culturally okay to never cuss or to decide to not use strong words. But if you're advanced enough to try to make jokes, sure, you're advanced enough to join the cuss-no-cuss game. Start with light ones, like "damn" and "crap."

The most important rules 1) don't cuss in front of kids who are too young to have self control. They'll probably repeat it and laugh, this is considered very embarrassing for their parents or teachers. 2) Don't cuss in front of anyone who you know doesn't want to hear it. It's appropriate to apologize if you make a mistake. 3) Do NOT add cussing to insults unless you have close friends helping you with safety. Please don't visit America, go to a bar, and call someone a piece of shit - there's a real chance they'll get physically violent and I can't guarantee the police will treat you fairly.

Common Sense Media has an article about this cuss taboo written for parents.

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/5-ways-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-swearing-and-why

I'm curious to hear how this works in other languages. I have the impression that Western Europe and the Americas are similar, but I know for sure that Japan isn't. (I don't have French or Spanish or Esperanto in my profile but I can somewhat read them) Please leave a comment or link to your journal entry if you like.

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