How to shift from seeking external validation to being content with the intrinsic value of your actions
—
by Aman
Shifting from seeking external validation to being content with the intrinsic value of your actions requires a deep recalibration of your mindset. The key is to focus on internal rewards rather than the recognition or approval from the outside world. Here's a structured approach to help you achieve that:
1. Strengthen Your Understanding of Intent (Niyyah)
- Focus on the internal purpose behind your actions, rather than the result or external rewards. In Islam, every action is judged by its intention (niyyah), and this is a powerful way to shift your perspective.
- Remind yourself that the act itself—whether it’s learning, charity, or simply striving to do good—is an act of devotion, a way to refine your character and align yourself with your beliefs. Even if no one notices, you know it’s meaningful because you understand why you’re doing it.
- Ask yourself: What do you want from this action? Is it to be seen? Or is it to improve yourself, your relationship with Allah, and to live a life that is aligned with your values?
2. Reframe Your Relationship with Validation
- Internalize the truth: The approval you seek from others is fleeting, and often based on superficial judgments. True satisfaction comes from being aligned with your inner self and principles. External validation is not lasting, but internal peace is.
- Understand the nature of validation: The external validation you desire is often temporary and can create dependence. But the validation from your conscience and alignment with your values is sustaining.
- Shift your focus to validating yourself for doing what you believe is right. Be proud of your actions, even if no one notices or appreciates them. This internal pride stems from knowing that you are doing what aligns with your higher self and moral compass.
3. Embrace the Concept of “Self-Sufficiency” (Istighna)
- Self-sufficiency in a spiritual sense means relying on yourself and your relationship with Allah to feel complete and content. When you feel self-sufficient spiritually, you don’t need external validation because your own sense of purpose and worth comes from within.
- Reflect: Do I need others' praise to feel good about what I’m doing? Or am I doing it because it’s the right thing for me, regardless of others’ opinions?
4. Practice Gratitude for the Act Itself
- Gratitude shifts focus from what you want (praise, recognition) to what you have (the opportunity to do something good, to learn, to grow). When you practice gratitude for the opportunity to do the act itself—whether it's learning Arabic, giving charity, or making personal sacrifices—you move away from the external and toward internal fulfillment.
- Daily practice: Spend time each day reflecting on what you are grateful for in the process. Be thankful for the action itself, not the outcome.
5. Reframe Your Thoughts About Striving for Excellence
- Excellence (Ihsan) in Islam is about doing things to the best of your ability, but not for the sake of impressing others. You seek excellence because it aligns with your values and your purpose, not to receive praise. Excellence, in this sense, becomes an internal motivation rather than an external one.
- Shift your thinking: Every act of excellence is a reflection of your commitment to your personal growth and your relationship with Allah, not a measure of how others perceive you.
6. Shift from Results to Process
- The mindset shift from focusing on external validation to being content with the act itself often happens when you embrace the process rather than the result. You are living with intention, not just seeking outcomes.
- Embrace the learning curve: You will stumble, you may not always succeed, but the act of learning and improving itself has value. Every moment spent in growth, regardless of external outcomes, is an act of worship and self-improvement.
- Realize: The result is not in your hands, but your effort and intention are. By focusing on the process, you embrace growth for the sake of growth, not for approval.
7. Cultivate a Healthy Relationship with Social Media and External Influence
- Social media and societal norms often amplify the need for external validation. If you are constantly seeking validation through social media or external opinions, it can distort your sense of self-worth.
- Set boundaries: Limit exposure to places where you feel compelled to seek approval or validation. Practice being content with small, meaningful interactions and shift your focus from seeking approval to cultivating inner peace.
8. Develop Compassion and Patience with Yourself
- Self-compassion is essential in this journey. When you shift your mindset, it’s natural to experience discomfort or doubt. Be kind to yourself, and don’t expect immediate results. Changing deeply ingrained habits takes time and persistence.
- Patience with your progress: Understand that the journey itself is rewarding, and that by aligning with your values and committing to consistent, small actions, you’re laying the foundation for true fulfillment.
9. Cultivate a Stronger Relationship with Allah
- Ultimately, your contentment and satisfaction come from being in alignment with your Creator. Strengthening your relationship with Allah through prayer, reflection, and seeking His pleasure will reframe your actions as being for Him alone.
- Ask yourself regularly: Am I doing this for Allah's sake? Am I doing it to please Him, regardless of what others think? And if so, the reward and satisfaction become inherently meaningful.
Conclusion: Be Your Own Source of Validation
By shifting the focus from external validation to internal fulfillment, you embrace a mindset where the act itself, no matter how small or unappreciated, becomes enough. You don’t need applause or recognition to feel good about your actions—because you know that you are living in accordance with your values and your purpose.
You are enough, your actions are enough, and the sincerity behind them is all that matters. When you anchor yourself in this truth, external validation will become less important, and you will find a deeper peace in knowing that you are doing what is right, regardless of the world’s view.