I think people often gravitate toward online communities because they want the fun and excitement of being part of a like-minded group, but without the weight of responsibility that comes with truly being part of a real, physical community. In a real community—like a neighborhood, a family, or even a circle of friends—you have to care for others even when you don’t agree with them on everything. You have to compromise, resolve conflicts, and sometimes put their needs before your own. That requires effort, patience, and a willingness to deal with the messiness of real human relationships.
Online communities, on the other hand, can feel like a shortcut. They give you a sense of belonging without the deeper commitment. You can pick and choose who you interact with, disengage when things get tough, and focus only on the parts that feel good. It’s similar to people who prefer the idea of being in a relationship over the reality of marriage. They like the illusion of commitment, the romance of it, but they shy away from the hard work, sacrifices, and responsibilities that come with a real, lifelong partnership.
To me, it’s a sign of how much we’ve grown to prioritize convenience over depth. Online communities are easier to manage because they don’t demand the same level of emotional investment. But in doing so, we risk losing something profound—the resilience, the growth, and the true connection that comes from sticking with a community, or a relationship, even when it’s imperfect. Real relationships, whether with a spouse or a community, challenge you to grow in ways that no curated online space ever can.
What I’m starting to understand is that even something as seemingly simple as friendship comes with its own responsibilities. Every real relationship—whether it’s with a friend, a family member, or a partner—has its own baggage. You don’t get to pick and choose the parts you want to deal with. If you want the comfort, the support, or the joy that comes from being part of a relationship or community, you also have to accept the challenges that come with it. That’s just how real relationships work.
When I think about it, any connection that tries to avoid responsibility, that tries to take only the good while avoiding the hard parts, isn’t a real relationship. It’s more of a fantasy, a make-believe scenario where everything is easy, and you never have to deal with misunderstandings, disagreements, or the work it takes to maintain the bond. But that’s not reality, and it’s certainly not sustainable.
I’m realizing that if I truly want the benefits of being in a relationship or a community, I need to face the challenges, too. Whether it’s resolving conflicts, being there for someone when it’s inconvenient, or letting them see parts of me that aren’t perfect—it’s all part of the deal. Real relationships require effort, patience, and sometimes discomfort. But that’s also what makes them meaningful. It’s in facing those challenges that relationships deepen and grow into something lasting and valuable.
