In a calm, shallow sea like the Baltic, sailing was a breeze for the captain. There wasn't much to do, which gave the crew and passengers a chance to hang out. Very few stayed in their cabins, as the weather was too nice to stay indoors.

To make the evening even more perfect, dinner was served buffet-style on deck. The captain made the announcement from the bridge over the loudspeakers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. This is your captain speaking. Dinner is now being served on the starboard deck.”

No one paid much attention, assuming that it was just another lost child until he insisted.

“There's food galore on the starboard deck! Last one there is a rotten egg!”

Suddenly there was a flurry of activity on deck.

“What did he say?” someone asked.

“Did he say starboard? Where's starboard?” asked another.

“That's port! Starboard is this way!” the passengers shouted in confusion.

From the bridge, the captain watched as the deck became a hubbub of people running back and forth —  no one had the slightest idea where starboard was.

“Please, listen up! The buffet is on the right side of the ship!” the captain shouted, trying to guide them. But it didn't make any difference; the passengers instinctively followed the person next to them.

“Go to the right!” he ordered them in exasperation.

But his commands only made things worse since “right” meant different things depending on where they were looking.

“Look at that,” he remarked with a chuckle. “Don’t they look like a flock of sheep?” he quipped off the microphone. “Passengers! Listen up! Everybody stay put!"

The passengers froze at his thunderous voice.

"Okay! Now look to the bow!”

The captain seemed to enjoy giving orders and keeping the passengers under control — it was totally in his wheelhouse.

“All right! Now, turn right!”

“Your right or ours?” someone in the group shouted.

“Same difference, for God's sake!”

The passengers turned and waited for the next command.

“Now, everyone walk straight ahead to the buffet!” he said, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead. “Whose bright idea was it to serve dinner on deck??” he asked the crew.

A few shrugged, but most played dumb.

“Captain!" said the first mate . "You won't believe it! There's a whale swimming off starboard!”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Where is it?” he asked, grabbing his binoculars and scanning the horizon. “ Oh, wow. There it is! It seems to be okay. It's probably disoriented. We should try to guide it back to the Atlantic.”

(To be continued)