I like relaxed people. Every time I see someone at ease, I want to pat them on the back and say, “Keep it up, rockstar, because you can.” Why do I want to do that? Well, because unlike many of my friends, I’m not a chill person at all.

Are you interested in getting a healthy dose of adrenaline? Well, imagine being me. I’m the one who always fusses around, thinking that the world will end precisely today. If you come with me to a meeting, I'd also be the one who asks security questions about safety and checks all the fire escapes (just in case). Inasmuch as I’m an expert on anxiety, many of my friends are the complete opposite of me. They would be those who'd nonchalantly watch the Titanic crash, even as passengers, and who don’t seem to worry even when they find themselves hanging off the edge of a cliff.

I don’t know what it takes to attain this level of tranquility and what techniques you guys use. I've always known that self-relaxation is a worthwhile skill, and the idea of enjoying life with a relaxed-to-the-fullest mind has interested me for years. Yet, over time, I've had to come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably never achieve tranquility for myself.  With an eye toward the benefits of calmness for my future, I’ve tried different techniques for entering a serene state of mind: meditation, yoga, deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and physical exercise. As a result of these practices, I’ve only learned to appear relaxed, while inside of me a whole whirlwind of emotions churns.

Honestly, I envy you, my friends — you who can remain calm in the middle of a tornado. To my way of thinking, you’re true superheroes. As I desperately try to make my way through life, struggling with anxiety, inner conflicts and everyday problems, you calmly drift through the obstacles, spreading your peaceful, shamanic energy around and never breaking a sweat. If I were like you, I would have accomplished much more in life, effortlessly overcoming every barrier. If I were like you, I wouldn’t have thought about all the possible bad things that might happen.

Recently, a friend of mine who spent a couple of weeks with me told me I’m a calm person. Shocked, I choked on my coffee and spat it out. Being calm is one of the things I’d been longing for for many years, but it was awkward to explain that to him. Still waters run deep, and I might look relaxed, but just wait for me to erupt like a volcano.

Still, I like calm people. Whenever I'm once again scared to death by an imaginary disaster, I can find peace and nuggets of wisdom in their company. Listening attentively to my complaints, they always manage to settle me down. Sometimes I think that maybe all the calm people just smoke too much pot. Or they understand everything about life and don’t care that much? Maybe I too will learn to not care one day. Probably when I die.