Two years ago after the end of eight grade and in the middle of quarantine vacations started. I had moved out of my previous apartment so my childhood friend and I had a long distance between of us. In a new apartment, an unknown neighborhood, with unknown people around me I started a "new life", it was going to be amazing, making friends with everyone, playing with other teenagers and all that stuff.

First day of vacation, I'll start making friends later because first is the reward of finishing successfully the scholar year, I'll play some videogames and of course watch anime!

It's already been some weeks of vacations already? It passed really fast tho, at least I still have a whole month, it's going to be amazing after making friends with everyone, I know it! But let's watch some anime and play videogames before that.

That was my train of thought, but who knows? Maybe I'm lying and I didn't even want friends since the beginning. I started staying up late until I could see the sun rise again, I would eat, watch anime, write to some online friends about the animes and continue watching anime. When I'd wake up at the afternoon what would I do? I would close all the curtains of my room for simulating it was night and start watching some gameplays of stupid games I didn't even enjoy watching, I just didn't want to "waste" the series that I was going to watch later in something so "pathetic" as the afternoon. My parents would get angry at me because I didn't want to go outside, but "I'm in vacation so I can do everything I want" right?

You can't imagine the pleasure and joy I got in just two months, just reminiscing about it makes me believe that it's been my peak of happiness until now. But everything has an end, a boring face, in a boring routine again, attending online classes that I didn't even pay attention to, "How dare they!", I'd think. Until my new vacations started, I used to think "This is going to be amazing, I'll enjoy this!"

Why nothing's coming? I am supposed to feel joy, why am I not happy with this? I am doing the exactly same thing as before. If I can't get enjoyment from this then how am I supposed to get by from now? Oh yeah! Let's go out with some friends as before... But how? My online friends aren't even from this country, my childhood friend is far away, my school peers don't like me, I don't know any of my neighboors, what should I do?

Didn't care about making friends, and started experimenting hobbies until I found language learning. Now in this current vacation I'm not the slighest close to that "beautiful" one, studying everyday a foreign language and working out. And tbh I'm not as happy as I was then but I really like the current me compared to that one. Nevertheless, I really should start working in making friends lol.