I'm the victim of my mind. Being blindfolded and locked up in chains, my mind manipulates me in a sense that I have no control over it no matter how desperately I wish things could change. Sometimes, my mental space seems like a reservoir filled with a wide range of data that I can tap into if necessary, but other times, it feels like a tiny dark cell room in which I have no assess to anything. There are even deeper and darker layers of my mind that haven't unfolded yet. The subtlety of my thoughts is running in the back of my mind, waiting for the right moment to provoke false illusions; desire, anticipation, regret, obsession, and so on. By the time these false feelings kick in, I lost my grip on control and engage myself in a rabbit hole of these feelings.

This explains why my thoughts shape the way I behave to the point that I no longer have power over them. In fact, I'm somewhat influenced by the thoughts that gave rise to those illusory feelings.

Despite the fact that I have body and mind, they don't form a connection. When the physical pain affects me, I will feel hurt and devastated. When something unsatisfying comes up, I will be pissed off and disappointed. In this case, I ask myself if there are any tangible reasons or motives to be engaged in these unpleasant situations. Personally, I would say yes; everyone wants their desires fulfilled and their intentions shaping up in a way that they want. We all have a reason to show negative feelings at all times. What I didn't understand is that those feelings are controlling me and I let my conscious mind gets involved in them. As a result, it starts labeling them as negative feelings and prompting me to react to them. For instance, every time when I have to wait for even half a minute to load a website, my subconscious commands me to get mad or upset for no reason. Not only that, when somebody leaves me on read, there is a tiny voice in the back of my head reminding me that I should feel unworthy because that person doesn't even care to reply to my messages. My point here is that if we are in full control of our body, we would be immune to all sorts of unpleasant feelings and able to endure a lifetime without knowing what suffering is. Until this point, I drew some references from the philosophy behind Buddhism that we are not our bodies and the same goes for our feelings. It sounds counterintuitive, but it's underlined that when we attach our possessive feelings toward physical objects or even thoughts, opinions, and emotions, it will eventually lead to dissatisfaction, which in turn, causes suffering. In my view, the reason why they both go hand in hand is that the more we seek out pleasure, the less satisfied we become with ourselves. We start to think that there is something wrong with us or we are not good enough so our mind keeps convincing us to go in the pursuit of pleasure and happiness. When it comes to the philosophy behind our mind and body, there is a myriad of concepts and ideologies to unpack, so let me stop this concept here for a bit.

To put another concept of how our mind victimizes us in an illustration, think of showing up late to an appointment or meeting with someone whom you have some business to do with. If you are the one who shows up late, you would probably shrug your shoulders and say, "I was stuck in a traffic jam so, please don't mind me" or "Things just got hectic at home and I couldn't make it on time." All these reasons could be real or excuses, but you would claim that your reasons are validation for showing up late. Nevertheless, if someone is in your shoes at that moment, you would make a judgment based on their actions that they are laid-back and not respectful of time or they don't care about the meeting at all. In this way, your mind creates a double standard without realizing it. As a matter of fact, we all tend to form these judgments because simply, we have no clue about what they are thinking or what is truly behind their actions. Most of the judgments are based on the surface level but deep down, our mind is a complex matter which we, ourselves can't even wrap our heads around entirely, according to scientists and psychologists.

I'm neither a neurologist nor a philosopher but so far, I was struck by how we become victims of our mind, the subconscious. It is the tip of the iceberg that seems neutral on the face of it but, there are underlying signals that our subconscious is sending to us. They obscures our views of the true reality that guides us toward living a purposeful life as well as coming to terms with the brutal scars of reality. That's why, these days, meditation practice and other mindfulness-based therapy are taking off among people regardless of their races, religions, or traditions all over the world. They teach us to get out of our heads and view our thoughts and feelings objectively without judgments or being influenced by anything. In other words, it is the art of letting go of our illusory feelings and thoughts which don't serve us. I believe that we all can set free our minds from a prison-like headspace by breaking through the bars that are holding us back from seeing the true meaning of life.

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