PuttingPuttingPuttig myself out there.

I want to break free... I don't know about you, but while writing that first sentence, I can hear Freddie Mercury's voice inside my head lol. Anyway, I really do want to break free from my cage (everybody else calls it confort zone.) Here's why...

I've always known that I am a very private person. I share almost nothing about my personal life even to my friends. I rarely even post on my social media. That's why I feel like no one really know me that well. My friends doesn't even know who my favourite author is! That's why I even question myself about my relationship with them sometimes, "Am I really friends with these people?" 🤣

It's also funny how I always secretly get hurt when one of them says something about me and everyone agrees except for me. This may sound like my friends are terrible but they're actually not. It's not even their fault that they know nothing about me. It's on me, I even feel like they should be the one questioning my relationship with them, not me. With that, I'm thankful to have them and I am thankful that they accept me for who I am.

Anyway, because of me being this private, I lost many of my childhood and high school friends, just because we haven't get in touch for so long, that's why whenever I accidentally pass them on the street, I can't look at them in the eyes, and if I have a chance, I definitely choose to walk the other way around, just so I could avoid them. Which is very wrong for me to do, but I just don't know what to say and I'll feel more comfortable avoiding them. That's why I feel like I am a terrible person, and I don't want to feel this way. That's why from now on, I will do my best to reconnect with them.

Actually this breaking free thingy is not just about my relationship with my friends. Me posting here, is also a part of it. It took me so much time just to get the courage to post here, especially my first posts. Now that I think about it, this post is getting a bit long now and I haven't even talked about the biggest reason why I want to break free, and why I want to put myself out here in the wild. Maybe I should just discuss it on my next post. Bye!

~Ayland