Dear diary,

maybe because it's more close to my graduation, daubt and unsecure keep hunting in my mind recently. "What should I do after graduation?", "Should I continue to study, if so, what is the meaning? What can I achieve in the additional years spending in the University?", "If not, then what can I do now to prepare myself for my future work or other plans?"

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine, whom I respect because of her independance and wide range of professional education, and I explain to her my problem, I can't find what I really want to do in the future, where my passion lies. In the winter break of our semester, I barely do what's related to my study, and I don't feel the sense of missing something. "I can live without that." the thought came to my mind, and I was worried and shame to admit that. Since passion in our field is more important than anything else, if we lack interest, then maybe we should just give up now.

When I asked my friend, she said "at age 20s, it's normal to feel that you don't know what you want to do exactly. You can keep exploring and maybe you'll find what matters to you most." "You can change from things to things and don't need to worry about wasting time. However," she added, "there's still an ORDER to do things. Like this singer of the song we're listening to..." she pointed at the speaker that is playing a song by one of her favorite Italian musicians, "he was a lawyer before." "Perhaps it's easier for a lawyer to become a musician, than a musician to become a lawyer in a later life."

She then said, "it's the 20s that build your 30s." She tried to soothe my worries, and said softly as a person who's talking to her past self, "So don't waste your time worrying, put your time on practicing, do whatever comes up in your mind, whatever inspires you, and collect experiences. Sometimes it's only the experiences you gained from years over years, that will lead you to a more self-confident state."

Hautha