Recently, I had a conversation with my boss about my work progress. It was a general reflection on the whole work year. After a chain of questions it turned out that I overused a phrase “not good enough”. I was told that by underestimating myself I’m loosing chances of having interesting projects.
That hit me hard. Trying to reflect on this conversation made me realize that I was seeking approval of my competitance and knowledge. The puzzle was solved.
The last several years I couldn’t get rid of the annoying feeling of not being seen by people, not being praised for commendable efforts. That feeling was so devastating, feeling knocked of the ground, demotivated and disgruntled, ostensibly being ineptitude for anything. Fortunately, that convesation shifted my perception of me. That moment it dawned on me that in the first place I need to seek for approval and praise within myself. Diving in deeper and trying to meet that broken part of me to heal and nurture.
I shape my own external environment through my internal perception. Now it’s abundantly clear that my inner world reflects and shapes my outer world, drawing exact the same people to me without any chance to evolve. The limit was and still is me. And I’m strongly devoted to the idea that I am my own responsibility to stand up and shine.
Interesting introspection and a good use of a wide vocabulary! I wish you well in your efforts for self-validation and approval
@Dream_Beyond_Ny I appreciate it! I want boost my vocabulary, so used here as much as I could. Thank you for detailed explanations.
Reading your text I thought if it's you saying “not good enough” that's ok. The bad scenario would be your boss saying that! Nice text.
@naranjamente fortunately, I have an inspiring boss.
Your English is perfectly understandable, other people have picked up on the mistakes so I have just tried to comment on the bits that sound strange to a native speaker.