So I had this friend between the early 2010s and 2021, that was the last year I talked to her when I basically cut all contact with her. I was basically suffering in that friendship and it was a very unhealthy one for me. Her name is Edina and she is from Jász-Nagykun-Szolnok county, just a county away from Pest county. Anyways, I think she lives in Szeged now and for some reason I dreamed with her even though I hardly ever think of her? I sometimes nostalgically reminisce about her and the time we spent together. For the record, I've never actually met this girl, all of our communications were online at the time and the closest I got to meet with her was in 2014 at an anime convention but that quickly went south because of my social anxiety and several other factors that I don't wanna go into now, like the fact that I got lost in Budapest on that day (CLASSIC MAX, ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC) or the fact that her boyfriend David was also there at the time and I was madly in love with this woman and she confessed to me and I confessed to her and she was kind of trying to cheat on her bf with me, etc etc. She was 3 years older than me and I was still 15 at the time, very much a child. I managed to lose those feelings eventually but it took many many years and it never entirely went away. It took a toll on my mental health too. I was pretty close to this woman despite never having met her, I talked to her on the phone, I LITERALLY SHARED ALL MY LIFE with her, okay? She knew a lot about me and I trusted her so much. I mean at one point I was in love with this girl so it makes sense. Anyways, I sometimes still look her up but it's only because of the nostalgia, I can say that in 5 years, I've managed to move on. We were already quite estranged because we had so many fights during this friendship. She blocked me so many times and I also blocked her a couple of times and we argued all the time. It was not very healthy or happy for that matter. So it was weird but as I said I basically had a dream that included her, specifically messaging her on Facebook and becoming friends again and being surprised at how much she changed and getting to know about her friend circle and just talking to her again. I was randomly scrolling on my phone when I remembered. I forgot about this dream after I woke up, just like I forget about my other dreams too but for some reason I remembered this one. Oh wow. Talked to N. about this and she basically told me that the brain is working all the time even subconsciously, which makes sense given my interest in SLA (second language acquisition) and psychology/neurology, I research these topics a lot and that wasn't necessarily new information to me but it still gave me some new perspective to think about. Now the question is, why is my brain working on problems like that? Despite the fact that I've already moved on. It's very strange.At least it gave me an interesting writing exercise for today. Also I just went downstairs a couple of minutes ago and looked in the mirror AND OH MY GOD WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT i was sooooooo slim I'm basically slimmaxxing (pun intended) at this point. So, this is in no way the first in the series of many dreams I've had about Edina throughout the years. She's a recurring phenomenon in the form of dreams. The dreams got rarer even since we broke things off, or maybe I should say that I unilaterally broke things off because at the time I thought it will be better for my mental health. It was. It totally was. No more jealousy. No more arguments. No more thoughts like "what if she breaks up with David so I can be with her". Nothing like that anymore. But the dreams stayed. The frequency went down but it seems like they are here to stay despite everything. Weird. I wish my brain would just tell me why it's so adamant about this topic. No I'm not going to message her. It's alright, that era of my life is OVER. For good.But yeah, it was an interesting dream nonetheless. That's it.

This post is probably gonna be all over the place (esp. when it comes to punctuation and whatnot cuz the formatting was ruined, RIP) since I originally posted this somewhere else, so if that's an inconvenience for ya then my apologies lol