These past few days have felt really mixed, haven’t they? I’m so happy because I gained something, yet at the same time confused knowing that what we gain sometimes needs to be protected. I’ve learned a lot from those moments of suspicion while staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night; somehow, it makes us feel more grown-up.
It’s like every time we suffer, there’s always that comforting idea that we’ll grow after getting through it. But honestly, that’s not always true. There are still so many people who laugh loudly, whose lives look easy and straightforward. What we want sometimes leads us toward things that feel good, things that make us laugh until we’re happy.
Maybe the phrase “you are what you think” isn’t entirely accurate anymore, because now there’s a new variable: “Can you even think of the things you want to think about? Isn’t your head already full?” Maybe it makes perfect sense when discussed philosophically or scientifically, but the steps we take now aren’t that simple.
It’s strange how the more we know, the more clueless we feel about actually doing things. That’s just the truth, and it’s probably going to get harder. But the most important part is how we see ourselves. Imagine dividing ourselves into two: the head and the body. Our head tells us something, sends signals to the rest of our body, and eventually we act. But in that process, there is something else involved—feeling. Maybe it’s like having to ask our parents for permission. We could do whatever we think is right, but without permission, maybe it won’t be allowed.
And even if we do it anyway, we won’t feel certain that what we’re doing is right. It might even trigger a bit of flashback. Ever felt sad all of a sudden? Or laughed too hard while others were laughing just normally? These reflexes are what reveal the contents of our mind to others through the movements of our body—movements we ourselves don’t fully understand. The enthusiasm we once believed was good can disappear instantly simply because of fear, doubt, or past trauma. And it turns out that’s okay. Because the way our parents shaped us was based on what they themselves received when they were our age. And of course, they can feel disappointed when we don’t turn out like them. They might have discussed, reflected, and evaluated how to raise us, from the moment we were born until the moment we die.
What we need to accept is that none of us is the main character. And it’s also possible that we won’t be able to become one if we insist on thinking that way. It may sound contradictory, but that’s the truth. All of us feel disappointment, anger, grief, and joy. So decide when you want to feel victorious and when you want to keep learning. But any victory will become meaningless if we never feel grateful for ourselves. Because really, the only thing we truly have is ourselves, our bodies, and our minds. And the kindness of the universe is that it still allows us, with all our problems, to experience love.
Our body and our mind have the right to feel disappointed. And every character around us feels it too, even if we don’t see it. Every person has been at their lowest point, yet we all agree that life has to go on, we must keep moving, keep acting. So accept things, and be grateful for everything around you. Because once we accept, trust will grow trust that might even feel pleasant. Be proud of the things you feel and accept within yourself.
