Hi everyone! I'm preparing for the C1 Cambridge exam and practicing writing. I would like you to assess this post, please.
The exercise is to write an essay in 220-260 words:
"Your class has listened to a radio programme discussing the ways that sport can benefit people. You have made the notes below:
How can sport benefit people?
- building community spirit
- providing role models
- releasing emotions
Write an essay discussing two of the ways that sport can benefit people. You should explain which way you think is the most effective, giving reasons to support your opinion."
This is what I've written. I'd appreciate your feedback and corrections. Thank you :) (IT'S PURELY FICTIONAL).
"
Especially in the last few decades, different research has desmostrated the undoubted benefits of regular sport practice. Not only in terms of physical health but also in improving our mental health. What is more, sport can also provide us with lots of useful and good values, which are transferable to several aspects of our lives.
Meeting new people, making friends and even very meaningful relationships is one of the best things we can benefit from sport. Regardless of your age, or your fitness level. Despite that, some people still think that sport is just about competing against others and trying to the best, no matter how. However, the truth is that the teamwork philosophy and cooperation spirit that most sports display are way more remarkable than anything else.
Besides that, I consider that doing physical exercise also plays a huge role in our emotions. Sports such as boxing, running, or climbing, are stunning ways to relieve stress and feel renewed. In addition, if you combine those with a healthy diet, nature exposure, and time with your closest people, you will just feel the best as possible.
In conclusion, I personally believe that the most convenient way that people can benefit from sport is by joining a group or sport team, which makes you feel as part of something big and with whom you can build a community, or even a “family” spirit.
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