I was set to perform both a group dance and a solo at the recital, but I particularly want to focus on the solo in this series of posts. The choreography my instructors created for me was so simple that I'm not sure I can even call it dancing. It went like this: First, I walk slowly to the center of the hall and then calmly stand there for five minutes without moving at all, looking back over my life, from birth to the present. When the music cues me, I crouch down and stand up as slowly as possible, and then, I walk away.

The music they selected for me was "Jesus' Blood Never Failed Me Yet" by Gavin Bryars.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmkC_leNM7M

On the day of the performance, a brilliant but little-known musician from Tokyo was scheduled to perform incidental music for us, and he was supposed to cue me over the song on guitar.

I rehearsed this "dance" at least twice a day, roughly 70 times in total, and surprisingly, I was never allowed to skip the five-minute standing part. I repeatedly walked in and stood there while the two instructors and four other participants in bulky coats just stared at me. More often than not, two of the instructors' kids were sleeping on cozy futons near the heater.

Everything was hard for me at first. It's really difficult to crouch down and stand up as slowly as possible. As far as the standing part, my life was too long to reflect on in five minutes and was filled with memories I didn't want to recall. By observing my very slight movements, my instructors were able to see right through my thoughts and point them out.

However, after several days of practice, my perceptions began to shift. It wasn't cold anymore, and there were no more memories that were hurtful to me. I was really focused, and my past just flowed in and out of me in exactly five minutes. Then, I knew how to crouch down and stand up at the absolute slowest conceivable speed.

I could still imitate my movements from that time, but I'd never experience that odd sensation again. I was supported by others who stared at me, and it was a conversation without exchanging one word.

Part 3 will be about the recital and its aftermath.