I want to copy here a short comment I've just posted on Facebook. I'm happy I used some of my new vocabulary in it.

To give you a bit of context, I posted this comment in the thread of a publication posted in one of the numerous INFP-groups I joined recently. INFP is my MBTI personality type, according to the online test “16personnalities”. I'm very interested in this MBTI thing because I have a friend who studied these personality types a lot and who could explain very interesting things to be about my own personality and about psychology in general.

There is one thing strange though. Usually my type of personality dislikes being with other people and need time to spend on their own in order to refill their batteries. I'm not like that at all! I can't stand lonelyness and I'm always seeking for someone to be with me. But in these Facebook groups they're always banging on about themselves rejecting others' company. Well I feel a bit uncomfortable with that because I think it's a caricature and maybe a misunderstanding about our type and I fear that some of them are closing themselves off inside a belief about themselves given by a personality test. That's the danger in identifying oneself to any personality profile.

So I first posted a comment saying that I don't recognize myself in the behaviour that was described in the original post. I was saying that I hate lonelyness and I'm the one who feels rejected when someone doesn't want to spend time with me. The answer I got was: « Repeat the test ».

I felt blasé.

But I decided to repeat the test and it gave me exactly the same result. Then someone engaged me to understand why I feel rejected. Here is my answer.

I think it's mainly because I believe other people are like me. I love connecting with people so much that I can't just stay on my own if there is someone in the place I could hang out with. So I don't understand it when someone prefers focusing on their task to spending time with me. It makes me think I'm worthless because in my mind no task is more important than connecting with someone here and now, unless that person is utterly boring. It's just because I crave attention, connection, belonging, tenderness… and I don't understand that other people don't. Well, I understand it intellectually but I can't accept it. And I think that must be so cool to be so independent!