Recently, my friend asked me about personal advice and I think it would be interesting to share.

So, here you are.

A : Hey, can I ask you for some personal advice?

B : Not sure if I can help but yeah.

A : As you can see, I am not good at conversation. Do you have any advice on how I can get better? It’s putting my relationship on the rocks.

B : I don’t know the problem but I think to communicate in general requires listening more than speaking. (To be honest, it requires both good listening and speaking skills but many people tend to put more focus on speaking and ignore the importance of listening.)

Sometimes, people do not say everything they think. Maybe observe a lot, if you can. When we are moody, we tend to not think it through and that may hurt the other person’s feelings. Once word becomes a scar, it will be hard to cure. So, please be careful.

I personally care the reasons more than the results. I believe that people do things with their own reasons and to understand someone’s action is to look at why they do it, how they are raised, how they think, etc. We naturally judge everything based on our experiences but different people have different experiences, so, it is very normal for us to think differently. Knowing that both people act with care and want the best for each other might help to calm you down when things get out of control.

I always encourage people to open up and be real with their thoughts and feelings. When you do not feel right, just say it. But talk about the true problem, not blaming the other person. The focus is on ‘how do we solve this problem and continue the relationship’ not ‘who is wrong’.

I think what I said does not apply only for couples but every relationship from what I observed.

I normally do not give advice to people, unless they ask, because I think that we are all in different situations and we have different reasons or values to hold. So, it is their lives and their decision. I cannot make decision for others since I am not the one who takes responsibilities on their lives. I only say what I observed and think that it is interesting or maybe helpful to share.

Listening is harder than talking though. 😅

A : Oohh yeah for sure.

B : But I believe that I am a better listener than a talker. Haha

I’ve grown up with people saying that I’m quite a quiet person. But I know that once we become closer, I talk more. So, I never worry about that. It seems like I have a switch like socialise mode and quiet mode.

One thing that I forgot, even though listening is harder than speaking, it is 100% worth training. Once you train yourself to listen well with patience and no judgement, or sometimes to listen to unspoken things, your surrounding people will be so lucky to have someone who really listens to them. Also, it would be great, if you have someone like that by your side. Most of the time, people do not want advice or solution- sometimes they already know what to do or make a decision. They just need someone who will sit next to them and be there for them so that they will not have to go through the hardship alone. Like, it is hard but at least it is less scary and not too sad that I have to do it alone.

A : I also tend to be more quiet in person. Just recently I have started to get the feeling that I should develop more my friendships. As I’ve gotten older, I have lost truly good friends, and I don’t want to become a hermit.

B : One of my friends, actually she is one year older than me and I call her sister, said that sometimes it is ok to be the one who starts a conversation. Just say ‘hi, how are you?’ to an old/long lost friend. That may make the other person’s day. She told me when I was 19 and I still remember it until now. She is very friendly and I respect her for that. So, you’re doing great.

Ohh one last thing, I say thank you and sorry a lot. When people are close, they tend to overlook each other’s feelings and think that the other person will understand because I am who I am. But the reality is it doesn’t matter how close you are, if you do not take care of them well, one day they may leave. I say thank you even to strangers because I really appreciate what they do- for example, their jobs that make my life easier. Good heart deserves appreciation. Who knows, your little action may make someone smile. (This topic is so familiar. I think I actually wrote about this somewhere.)

A : Well I will try to do the advice you gave me . I don’t want to lose my relationship.

B : Good luck with your relationship. You’re making an effort to be a better person. That is really great.

: )

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#flynn

#flynnonJournaly

#flynnatory

12/01/23

5.25 a.m.