Hello! This is my second practice for the IELTS exam, I tried using more academic vocabulary and structure, but hopefully still easy to read. Again, I would appreciate any kind of feedback!
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There is a case to be made for the probability of people's health to be less good in the following years compared to the present, mostly because of future environmental issues. However, I believe that, thanks to the development of medicine and technology, the average level of health of the population will be higher.
Contamination in its many forms is one of the main culprits for the apparition and spread of many diseases. Take air pollution as an example, a phenomenon that can lead to a wide variety of respiratory or even dermatological problems. Water contamination can be dangerous to a larger extent, causing gastrointestinal illnesses or certain types of cancer originated by the plastic and metal particles found in this liquid. The already present climate change will only worsen these conditions.
Nonetheless, life expectancy and quality have dramatically improved compared from centuries and millennia ago. Firstly, because medicine has come a long way thanks to discoveries that have led to the development of new medical treatments. Conditions which meant the end of one's life during the Middle Ages, can be treated today with a simple injection. Secondly, general day to day life has become easier and less threatening. We now live surrounded by a myriad of commodities that prevent our bodies from wearing off or becoming injured so easily. The further the progress made, the higher average people's health will be.
Still, there are other factors to consider, such as the current unequal access to health services or work distribution, which influence the health of different sectors of the population. A web developer doesn't face the same threats as a factory worker. In any case, an overall progress should help improve the levels of health for all people.
In summary, I am of the opinion that human beings will keep on seeing the benefits of medical and lifestyle improvements reflected in their health, as it has been shown by historical tendencies. At the same time, there are challenges to face in the matters of environmental pollution and accessibility to health services to ensure we follow a favorable path.
Hi @Anya, I think this is a great ielts essay (I teach toefl, but I believe the scoring is fairly similar). It was well-organized and easy to follow, and your examples are good, especially in the first body paragraph. I think the second and third paragraph could have used a little more backup, but it's not a major problem. If you are short on time, I would recommend making sure that the body paragraphs have really strong backup, and not writing such a long conclusion. But overall, great job!
@KatyaBarta thank you so much for all the comments and suggestions! I'll make sure to put them into practice