As I continue my writing journey through the habits from the book "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" and specifically the habits of public victory, it's time to introduce you to the key concept of becoming effective in relationship building - seek first to understand, then to be understood.

The name of the habit gives the definition over, but let me elaborate a little bit on this as I genuinely believe that this is the toughest part of the process of becoming interdependent and synergizing with people. The thing is that the majority of us only pretend to listen to what others say. We are even better at acting as great listeners than at listening. Modern society imposes on us to behave in a certain way and tuning out might be considered inappropriate and disrespectful. That's why instead of learning to pay attention to others' words, we mastered the ability to act as listeners so the other side is satisfied, at least until the scam surfaces. It's easier to pretend as listening is extremely hard. We underestimate its importance and difficulty. It doesn't come down to getting what people say, it's about understanding what's behind the words. The main message is often hidden and it's your role to unravel that mystery and show your empathy. Treat it as a chance to build a strong relationship relying on trust and mutual respect.

But, the problem is even more complex. People simply don't want to listen. Often times we simply wait to respond and the response is ready way ahead, no matter what the other person is saying or is about to say. We aren't interested in solving others' issues as we put ourselves first. Instead of focusing and trying to get what the other side wants to communicate, we overfocus on how to attain our goals at any cost. When people find out that you don't care what they say and you try to impose your way of thinking, the problem tangles even more. The whole trust that perhaps was there at the beginning of the discussion disappears and whatever the issue was, it's now untractable. If there was a shadow of a chance to untangle it you lost it and the other side becomes skeptical and disappointed.

If you really care for others then you should learn how to listen, and how to find the message that's hidden between the lines. There are lots of examples on the Internet of how seemingly trivial conversation hides a mystery behind the words. You better pay attention to what others say as this is the key to establishing long-term relationships and gaining people's trust, so you can tap into the unlimited possibilities of cooperating with others in a synergistic way.