When I studied at university at the philology faculty I read tons of books. I am absolutely in love with words and plots. My first writing attempts were during that time as well (I write in Russian). As I am quite critical of myself I can say which of them were bad and which have some potential. It made me happy when I was able to write something that was not embarassing and that I was satisfied with and felt comfortable showing it to someone else. I remember those minutes of inspiration - when I was broken, sad and maybe even desperate. Yes it was a rough time, but on the other hand I did not try to avoid those feelings. I immersed in my state and created writing.

Also at that period I was a poor student, I did not have a normal phone and was not really part of any social network. When I went for a walk I did not listen to music, but I thought a lot, reflecting and fantasizing.

Nowadays I work a lot and do not have much time to read. I started to join social networks, because it is revealed that you more likely will be noticed at work and get promoted if you are active on the internet as well. I started to feel that it is hard to stay alone with your thoughts, so I almost always listen to some show, podcast or some music. I never went out without my earphones, because I am afraid that I will be bored.

I very seldom allow myself to get immersed in my feelings, in my sadness. And it does not make me happier. I am afraid of pain, negative feelings, I run away from them, try to avoid them, but just feel devastated.

And the scariest thing is that I am losing any writing potential I had.