Sometimes, I always feel that I’m an unqualified person who should never have reached what I’ve achieved. Let’s take the impromptu speech for example. Around a half year ago, I went to take part in this campus contest. I knew for sure that I wouldn’t do an amazing job because there were a lot of exchange and international students out there participating in the very same contest. They are bound to outperform me, simply because they are English native speakers. Additionally, when I was called to come up to the stage, giving an impromptu speech about social media pranks (which I honestly have no idea how to make it work), trembling like crazy and all that sort of things. But somehow I was placed the third place in the competition. And this made no sense to me. I’m saying this because I know one of the judges well. I’m thinking that maybe it was because of her assistance that I was over-pushed into that position that I don’t deserve. Not sure what his intention was when having such a move then, but I’m sure that this misplacement has kind of left a scar in my heart, instilling the idea that I’m not qualified into my brain. Feels bad man.
Don't be too hard on yourself. We all feel like an imposter from time to time. But by doing so, we end up underestimating our abilities and hard work. Just because someone is a native English speaker, it doesn't mean what they say will have more weightage. A debate or speech is mostly evaluated on the message rather than the grammar. Sometimes, even a pause taken at the right time during the speech or debate or even a simple two-sided conversation can elevate the message to such levels where now words can take it. Trust yourself. :)
It does suck to have impostor syndrome. Sometimes, we tend to be overly critical of ourselves, but we usually do much better than we expect. I believe the judges made a reasonable decision :)
Hi @BillTheEnglishLearner! I am an English teacher, and I have an idea of why you got third place. When we judge essays or presentations, we are generally looking for specific concrete details that paint a picture in the listener's (or reader's) head, and then some interpretation of what those details mean in the bigger picture. And you did exactly that when you wrote this entry -- you gave us a very clear picture of what the competition was like for you, and then you explained why the result was hard to understand. That's actually very hard for most people to do -- either they give no details, just abstract theory, or they get stuck in the details and never make a larger point. So, I think you integrated them very well here, and you probably did in your speech too. So, nice job on the journal entry, and congratulations on the contest!
I enjoyed the read! I know what it feels like too when you feel like you only achieved something because of someone who knows you giving you a good break and not from your own efforts. I totally agree with KatyaBarta's explanation on why you were able to place in the contest. You're probably underestimating your ability in this context. You're great at describing things and I can picture what you're saying very clearly from this read.