I’m getting more and more confused nowadays. What is it that I want to do and I’m capable of doing? As I grow up, working as a teacher has always been an ideal career path. But I’m really confused, confused by the fact that I’m not really gonna make it. Even if I work hard, people around me are constantly discouraging me to chase my dream. And chances are they’ll look down on me as someone who can never succeed.

I have two sisters. One of which dropped from a graduate school, Department of English Instruction. She was a certified teacher and worked as a substitute primary school English teacher for a year. But she dislikes it and hates to study and writes papers in graduate school. And she didn’t think she could become an official teacher. When thinking of her, no one would deny her being enthusiastic, passionate, talkative. She has always been like a teacher, an undeniable fact. Hearing from this news, everyone was shocked and felt pitiful for her. So, by the time when these people ask me what is it that I want to do in my future, they would always talk about my sister and how difficult it is to work as an English teacher in Taiwan nowadays. And then, in contrast to my sisters', they would start talking about my personality.

The other sister talks about it. When I said I was nominated as an exchange student, she asked me: “Great. So, um, what courses are you gonna take? Business? Or, English ones?” Then, I explained to her that I would take linguistic courses and teaching theories, only to be responded with, I don’t know, disappointment. She said that in Taiwan nowadays, it’s really hard to work as a teacher. Then, she examined my personality, saying that people like me are less likely to be a teacher. Even my older sister gave up on it. And she recommended that I took business-related courses so that I could better find a job afterward. I was offended, but I didn’t bring up a fight because she could be right. I had better be realistic and face the cruel reality and give it up.

But I don’t think I would. Throughout my college life, I’ve grown so much stronger. I don’t want to give in to what others say about me. Although they could be right, there is still a beam of hope so long as I try to seize it. I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zones so hard. And I’ve become way more open-minded, resilient, and even talkative thanks to my choices. Still, I’m confused by my career choice. But I think it’s fair to say that it’s okay to feel confused. Having a goal to work hard on has also made me realize things and lessons. I hope I can get rid of such a downward spiral soon.